How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
