I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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