The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
