1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
