All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
