im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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