Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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