***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
