Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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