what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
