Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
