We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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