I accidentally burped into my bong.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
