I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
