did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
