The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wear drunk well.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
