The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
