Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
