I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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