According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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