I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I look better un-naked...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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