I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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