apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
