I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
