on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
