I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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