the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
