like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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