Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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