You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
