Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
PANTIES FOUND
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
