you have to choose: penises or morals?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
