my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
