She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize