the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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