don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
