Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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