plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
