The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
