better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
