how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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