apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
