I can tuck mytits in my pants
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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