Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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