i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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