Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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