I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
