Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
