my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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