I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
