Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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