btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
