I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
