Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
