Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
