Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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