Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i now understand why vodka
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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