that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
