im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
