every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
