you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
