is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
