I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
